My husband paged through the book and pronounced Kelly a misanthrope, a hater of mankind. True, Kelly does seem to make fun of people's wardrobe foibles with a great amount of glee. But I like to believe that he is sincere in his quest to help women feel better about themselves and clothing. His biting humor is part of his personality, and I must admit to laughing aloud while reading parts of his books and having had some similar thoughts.
Here are some highlights, straight from the book, sans the cutting remarks:
1. The shoe always, always, always sets the tone for the outfit. Hence, you should keep them in good shape by taking them to a cobbler now and then. Once the heels are scuffed up or torn, it's time to toss the shoes.
2. Clothes are designed on dress forms. [The] bust on a dress form is halfway between the shoulder and the elbow. So if you want clothes to fit you better, it would behoove you to hoist your boobies [his word] up to that general position.
3. Pajamas should not leave the house! Is it appropriate to wear a ball gown to work? Is it appropriate to wear a bikini to a PTA meeting? Is it appropriate to attend an animal rights meeting in a mink coat? No, no, and no! If you've got errands to run, throw on some jeans, a blouse, and a cute flat, boot, or sandal.
4. Regular upkeep of your hair is just as important to our appearance as maintaining healthy teeth and gums.
5. The best way to camouflage your rear end is to use what I call the "divide and conquer" technique. Look for tops that hit at the widest part of the tush. If you cover the tush halfway, you bisect the butt, reducing its emphasis by half, and keep the leg line nice and long.
6. When in doubt about the most universally flattering skirt length, aim for the knee.
7. If you cannot remove a stain, the garment is unwearable.
8. There is NO good reason for wearing a platform flip-flop.
9. If a jacket doesn't close, it doesn't fit. And I strongly believe that wearing a jacket that you can't close is psychological torture because you'll be reminding yourself all day I'm too big for this jacket.
10. One of the best secrets of getting more mileage out of your wardrobe budget is to keep your clothes classic but sport a modern bag and shoe.
11. Never, ever, let anyone tell you that because you're a plus size you need big, flowy tops and tent dresses to cover you up. What you need is the opposite. . . You need structure, structure, structure.
12. Shapeless dresses are always unflattering. Look for dresses that have shape built into them (via a V-neck, a high, defined waist, and/or a flared skirt) and let the dress do the work for you.
13. If you are on the short and wide size, skip the cropped pants. Opt instead for Bermuda shorts or long pants.
14. Black is absolutely classic and often sophisticated, but best when used in moderation. Black doesn't make you invisible, and as you mature, black is not very easy on the complexion. Focus on fit before color.
15. Tailor, tailor, tailor!
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