To Match or Not to Match?

A friend of mine makes very pretty jewelry and asked if I wanted a pair of earrings to go with the necklace she created for me. I answered no since I don't regularly match my earrings with other jewelry. She was surprised, wondering what on earth I could wear with different necklaces or bracelets.

Here are my answers:

1. Pearl stud earrings (in white, pink, black, or gray)

2. Simple hoops (large or small, in silver, gold, or two-tone)

3. Diamond studs (in a size you like, and of course they don't need to be genuine). I wear ones my daughters gave me from Claire's all the time.

Think of the above earring options as neutrals that will complement any other accessories you wear. They won't take attention away from or compete with other jewelry, and they complete your ensemble.

"I don't care about clothes."

Some people seem to think that showing an interest in clothing marks them as superficial or somehow not too bright. They go so far as to insist that fashion and style are not their concerns. Mickey Drexler, C.E.O. of J. Crew recently stated, "A lot of people like to think they're not interested in clothes, and yet they are likely preoccupied or even vexed by their own."

I like his use of the word "vexed." By the time people call me, they are ready to acknowledge that they are vexed by their clothing. They usually have a lot of it, but do not know what suits them or their current lifestyle. These clients are not shallow or dim-witted. On the contrary, they are sharp for realizing they need help in this area of their life and are wise to ask for it.

Since it is not socially acceptable to run around naked, why not look our best? My mission in Wardrobe Wisdom is to help men and women dress well and feel good in their clothing. I do not, in the style of Clinton and Stacy, bring a huge trash can into the clients' closets and make disparaging remarks while chucking their beloved clothing into it.

Instead, once the clients and I have discussed a typical week in his or her life, established what their clothing budget is, and clarified what image they would like to project, I thoughtfully look through their wardrobe. Usually, they have some sense about what pieces work and which ones need to go.

By the time our sessions are over, the clients have a clear sense of what clothing does and does not flatter them, what pieces can round out their wardrobe, and how to dress for different parts of their lives. They feel more relaxed and happier about getting dressed.

So do not confuse superficiality with a desire to look great and feel confident. I have seen it time and time again: working from the outside in can have a huge, positive impact on our lives.

Amazing Alpha Thrift

A couple of weeks ago I had the pleasure of getting a behind the scenes tour of the big Alpha Thrift store in Old Town Goleta. As a result, I feel better than ever about donating to and shopping at this amazing place. Here are some facts I learned that day from its FAQ sheet:

- Alpha Resource Center was established in 1953 by three moms of children with Down's Syndrome.

- Alpha provides family support and advocacy throughout the entire County of Santa Barbara, with offices from Santa Barbara to Guadalupe.

- 100% of the net proceeds of the stores go directly to supporting services.

- Alpha serves approximately 1,200 families and 95 adults with developmental disabilities in South County and provides social/recreation services for 53 teen and young adults and provides support for 485 individuals through the advocacy and wellness program.

And here are some remarkable things I learned during the tour:

- The stores get 200 customers per day.

- 70% of things in the stores get sold and the rest get recycled or re-purposed.

- The stores have several loyal, long-term employees.

- Alpha Resource clients often work in the stores, which gives them life skills and builds their self-confidence.

- 400 garments go in and out of the store each week (!)

- It is the place to go for Halloween costumes.

If you would like to go on a tour of the thrift store or Alpha Resource Center, and I highly recommend you do, call Marisa at 805-683-2145, ext. 105 or email mbourke@alphasb.org. This organization is a true gem in our community.

P.S. Alpha Thrift is the place to get beautiful men's ties--for a song!

Women in Suits

I attended a panel discussion the other day and tried, as always, to gain at least 3 insights during the event. What struck me most was, unsurprisingly, how the panel members' clothing said a lot about them.

The two women on the panel were in suits, a style that is not my personal choice, but which can have a strong, positive impact. They were equally smart, articulate, displayed a good sense of humor, and thought quickly on their feet. Their sharp, well-tailored suits, simple yet attractive make-up and nice hair styles matched their confidence and mastery of their topic.

On the other hand, the male speaker, who started with a suit jacket but quickly discarded it, left a negative impression on me. In fact, I still have no idea what his job or area of expertise is. He spoke in technical terms without defining them, and did not always address the audience's questions in his responses. His jeans and untucked dress shirt told me he was just dialing it in--he was not serious about the panel. Now, had he been an incredibly good and engaging figure, I don't think his clothing would have mattered as much. But his loose manner mirrored his too-casual dress.

Clothing does make an impression. It is always better to be over than under dressed.

Function Over Form

I am always acutely conscious of my appearance, knowing I represent my Wardrobe Wisdom motto "Dress Your Best, Everyday." So it was with some reluctance that I changed shoes over the weekend.

My family and I set off in the afternoon for Santa Barbara's Seafood Festival. It was a warm day so I wore a sundress and some chic metallic studded sandals. However, once we parked far away from the event, I reconsidered my choice in footwear. The sandals are stylish but not super comfy. Fortunately I keep a pair of super comfortable yet not so attractive flip flops in the back of the car for wardrobe emergencies (like the time I sped off to book group in my slippers).

In the end, function won out over form and I changed into the flip flops. Sure, it somewhat ruined the fetching effect of my dress, but my feet were very happy and I could truly enjoy the day.

By the way, comfortable and attractive shoes do exist! Look at UGG (not just their boots), Born, Me Too, and Sofft.

"I'll call you when I lose weight."

This is what I hear frequently when I tell women what I do. My answers to them, which are said gently, are as follows:

But what about now? Don't you want to look and feel good while you are losing weight?

What if it takes awhile? Is it motivating to wear sloppy clothing you don't feel good in?

How about re-working the wardrobe you have now, in preparation for your weight loss? We can spruce up some pieces and edit out ones that do not match the new future you.

During my rounder days, I remember getting very bummed when I saw clothing in my closet that no longer fit me. I also remember shopping for cute things that fit me and made me feel good. When I lost weight, I had some of those cute clothes tailored. I have said it before, and I wish I could take credit for making this up, but it bears repeating:

Your closet should not be a museum nor a hope chest.

Embrace who you are now, and value that person enough to have clothing that reflects your self-worth positively. And last, but definitely not least, if you are someone who is plus-size and healthy, it is far better to stay that size than let your weight go up and down. You can dress very well, honoring your full figure!

Unique Jewelry

Last night I attended a friend's jewelry party featuring handmade, bespoke jewelry by Kara Crisp. I was so impressed by her personal investment in each piece; she described how she gets her ideas and how she chooses each stone and pendant. I ordered the lovely bracelet above, in silver. Adding an unusual accessory to an outfit completes your ensemble and makes it shine.

I like this from Elegance by Kathleen Tessaro: "Jewellery (sic) is the only element of an ensemble whose sole purpose is elegance, and elegance in jewellery is a highly individual matter. . . One thing, however, is certain: an elegant woman should never indulge her fancy to the point of resembling a Christmas tree dripping with ornaments."

Saving Money--Be Specific

It was so easy not to buy a purse earlier this week. I had a clear picture in my mind of what I wanted. Well, what I really wanted was the purse I foolishly did not buy in France this summer. Aside from that, what I was looking for was a leather purse in a blue between navy and royal, small to medium in size, with not too much silver-toned hardware, pebble grain, with no logos, and for a moderate price. Really, was I asking too much?

When I went shopping for my purse I gave the saleswomen the above description, and though I could sense their eyes rolling behind my back, I stuck to my vision. They showed me a number of lovely purses, but none were just right. So, I saved myself money by not purchasing one. . .

until the next day when I found the perfect purse (if only the straps were thicker). Jeez I am picky! Seriously though, I could have bought another bag during these 3 months I've been looking, but I would not have loved it. I would have longed for the bag and would have continued to troll the handbag departments of stores. It is like when you order something in a restaurant and then, thinking you could have ordered something better, you look at all the food passing by your table and then covet your dining partner's meal when it arrives. Maybe I am the only one who does that. My point is that by being particular and specific about what you want, you do not settle for less, and in the end, you are very content with your purchase.