Finishing Touches

Do you ever look in the mirror, think your outfit is missing something, and then add that perfect accessory which brings it all together? For some people, doing this is second nature. For most of us, it takes some thought. And that extra thought is worth it!

There are a few things to remember about accessories. One has to do with balance. If you are wearing a colorful outfit, your accessories should be more plain. Last week I wore a purple and pink striped sweater with my jeans. Since the sweater was colorful, I accessorized with simple silver earrings and a silver necklace. On the other hand, today I wore green corduroy pants and a green top. No! I did not look like Gumby! ( At least I don't think I did). Since my outfit had color but was monochromatic, I wore earrings that sparkled with green and lavender stones. More plain-colored outfits call for print scarves or colorful, unusual jewelry.

Another aspect of accessorizing has to do with one's size. Since I am petite, I look and feel absurd in large prints and oversized jewelry. Taller women can pull off large prints, big bracelets, earrings, and necklaces, and big handbags.

Accessories are meant to complement, not overshadow your overall look. What this means most of the time is that choosing one standout accessory is a good idea. Wear some interesting earrings, and then wear an understated scarf or simple necklace. If you wear a lot of eye-catching accessories, people don't know where to look, and your outfit gets lost.

I love to see women who are confident in their accessory choices. A woman on the library board with me never fails to wear unusual, ethnic-inspired necklaces. My good friend from college can always be counted on to wear cool earrings. Another friend is gifted at wearing scarves and wraps. So look through your accessories and play around with them. They can make getting dressed quite fun.

Men and Clothing

I have spent time pondering this question from Charles DiSipio, "How does one account for the way men become trapped in the memory of their finest sartorial moment?" Working with different men has given me a window into the male psyche. They are very attached to certain images of themselves, regardless of how that image matches the person they have evolved into. A lot of men develop "a look" after college, and leave it at that. They find it a waste of time to think about their wardrobe and how it suits them (or not) over the years. Oftentimes, a new partner will nudge a man into a different, updated look, but most men could not be less interested in clothing. Hence, men are left with a wardrobe that dates them.

My husband and I were recently discussing jeans--his jeans to be specific. In his mind, the style of jeans he wore in college (24 years ago!) look "just fine" today. I have often accused him of wearing "mom jeans" which leads him straight to a rant about the ridiculous styles and cost of men's jeans. For my spouse, there are mom jeans and $300 designer jeans, with nothing in between. Part of his extreme view regarding the world of denim is his limited shopping experiences.

For years I have picked up things for him when I am have been shopping. Consequently, he has a closet full of clothing that he did not look for and select himself. While this has saved him time and energy, I believe it has stunted his fashion growth. Since he has not been shopping for jeans in any serious way in years (beyond picking up some at Costco!), he has out of date reference points. To him, it is obvious that "jeans should cost $25 and any style works for a guy." He wonders why it should be complicated to find a pair of jeans.

So I directed my husband to Guy Tribay's terrific article in last week's New York Times: "Read My Hips: These Jeans Don't Lie." I am not sure if he's read it yet, but it has renewed my commitment to get him into some new jeans.

A Good Friend

Last week, a friend and I were planning a day when our daughters could get together. This friend said she could just drop her daughter off or "help me with any project around the house." Knowing this friend, I did not question the sincerity of her offer, but it took me awhile to respond.

As someone who helps people streamline and organize their wardrobes for a living, I often think my house must look perfect at all times and have bouts of insecurity when I know it does not. I wondered if my friend thought I was a complete slacker as a housekeeper and needed some help. I wondered if she would judge me based on the terrific mess in my garage (which I can largely blame my husband for). Since our friendship is rather new, I wasn't ready to let her see the chaos of my downstairs closet. However, in the end I put my insecurities aside and accepted her generous offer.

She and I spent over an hour sorting out my linen closet. We laughed and chatted the entire time, and she helped me part with things I did not even know I was attached to. I pride myself on being able to purge items from my closet without batting an eye. Why, then did I hold onto an old, sun-faded duvet cover that I had no intention of putting on my bed? Why did I keep the garish yellow sheets my mom gave me? Was I ever going to do anything with the remnants from a furniture-recovering project? Why did I keep two sets of what I referred to as "pilly, cheap" sheets for my girls' beds? And why did I have so many extra pillows when we don't have a guest bed? My friend asked me these and other questions in a friendly, non-judgmental way, and helped me pare down considerably.

Now my linen closet looks beautiful, with plenty of space between the stacks of towels and sheets and no random items lurk in its corners. I keep peeking at it at least twice a day, and it makes me feel elated and free. Even my husband noticed how nice it looks and said he would like to keep it that way!



This time with my friend left me feeling grateful and happy. Paring down helps us see what we truly need and like. Having another person, with objective eyes, guide us to a clearer space is a gift.

Size Doesn't Matter

I was talking with a woman the other day about post-holiday shopping, and she described an incredible dress she found on sale. It was a classic style by Diane von Furstenberg and it "fit like a glove." So, of course she purchased it, right? No. The reason she did not buy this killer dress is that she could not believe she was "that size."

Ladies, have you noticed that the clothing in your closet is not sized consistently? That is because each designer has her or his own way of sizing, and there are no concrete guidelines that they all follow. Consequently, I have some size 0 pants, some size 6 petite pants, and a size 10 skirt. They all fit beautifully. If I refused to try on that lovely black pencil skirt because I could not bear the size on the label, I would have missed out on a terrific purchase.

So, when you go to try on some clothing, it is a good idea to bring the size you think you would be in the dressing room, as well as a size up. Who cares what the label says? You can always cut it out later if it really bothers you!

Feng Shui

One of my Wardrobe Wisdom clients has an ideal closet: it is organized, contains only clothing that she loves and wears, and she goes through it every season. Her wardrobe is smaller than others, but she wears everything in it. She has a clear idea of her style and what looks suit her best, and she knows how to shop. When we work together, it is to figure out what clothes can be consigned (most, as she takes excellent care of them), and what few pieces she can use for the next season. Then she sends me off to shop.

The last time we met, she talked about Feng Shui'ing her closet. For her this meant taking stock of who she is now, and getting rid of any clothing that reflected a some rather dark years. She edited out anything drab that reminded her of sadder days, as well as pieces that simply did not fit anymore. What she was left with is a closet that is her, now! Her wardrobe has color and still contains many of the high-quality basics that ground her outfits.

Now is a good time to go through your closet. Things that don't feel or look like who you are, right now, can be donated or consigned. They will surely suit someone else!

Respect Yourself!

There are mothers who put so much energy into making sure their children are dressed well that they find no time to care about their own appearance. My concern is the message they are sending their children: I do not matter.

A recent article by Diana Pemberton-Sikes explains why mothers need to take care of themselves, inside and out: "we are our children’s role models. If we don’t show them how to work, dress, and function in polite society, who do you think is going to? You can’t just tell them; you have to show them by example. Otherwise they’ll turn to television, the Internet, and their friends — and you may not like the results."

My hope for all women is that we feel valued and good about ourselves. And part of self-respect is caring for the way we look. I have worked with dozens of mothers who tell me they feel so much better about themselves after we've worked together. They've seen that taking a little more time, and paying a bit more attention to how they dress each day is uplifting and motivating. An inspired and content mother is a terrific role model.

Who Are You?

When I am preparing to work with Santa Barbara Wardrobe Wisdom clients, I ask them several questions. The one many have a hard time answering is "What is your personal style?" This leads to them exclaim, "I don't know! That's why I called you!"

The style quiz that I think is the most accurate and simple is from Jesse Garza and Joe Lupo's book, "Nothing to Wear?" Their questions are smart, leading to responses that make you think about your style and preferences, even if you believe you don't really have them. Their main objective, as is mine, is to learn what you feel good in, and to build your wardrobe around that kind of style.

When you are trying to identify your own style, here are 5 things to consider:

1. Whose style to you admire?
Try to narrow down what it is about that person or person's style that you like. Is it the colors they wear? How they put outfits together? How chic yet casual they look? The accessories they favor? You may want to look through magazines when considering this question. Certain catalogs may have styles that you like as well.
For example, I like the way Ashley Judd always seems to look feminine but not fussy. Hence, I tend to like feminine but not overly embellished pieces.

2. What clothing do you have now that you feel great in?
Again, try to identify what it is about those items that feel right on you. Then think about why they feel right. Is it because they suit your lifestyle? Because they fit beautifully? Do they downplay body parts you don't like while highlighting other parts? Is it the colors you like?

3. Do you prefer more tailored or more loose, flowy clothing? Or do you like something in between? Do you like sporty clothing?

4. Do you like to accessorize, choosing different pieces to build your outfits around? Do you tend to wear the same jewelry, scarves, or belts all the time?

5. Do you veer toward trends, or do you return to more classic styles, year after year?

When you think about these questions and your responses carefully, you will have a good idea about your style. The styles in the book are chic, classic, whimsical, bohemian, and avant-garde. Though the authors above describe 5 dominant styles, many women have a combination style. For example, I am classic-chic.

Once you've discovered your personal style, shopping, dressing, and packing for trips will become easier. While shopping, you will head straight to the pieces and stores that you know suit you, and your clothing pieces complement each other. The more you know about your style, the more enjoyable and effortless getting dressed is.

Your Personal Style

I used to love taking personality tests in Seventeen magazine when I was younger. My friends and I would laugh at what our answers revealed about us, but of course we took some of the magazine's advice quite seriously.

The last time I tried to take a test in a book (whose authors promised results which would change my entire outlook on life), it turned out to be a tedious experience. After spending nearly an hour answering a series of redundant questions, I gave up. I was hoping to gain some insight into how I could transfer the ease with which I can select a terrific cocktail dress, to home decorating which tends to paralyze me. Alas, this book was not helpful.

Instead, I took the advice of one of my favorite wise men, Clinton Kelly, and tried to think of 3 adjectives that describe my style. I came up with uncluttered, clear, and pretty. When I am shopping for clothing, accessories, or things for my home, I remember these 3 words. Will the item I am considering complement my style?

Thinking about my adjectives has saved me from making some unwise purchases. Coming up with your own adjectives may be a way for you to identify your style as well. And if you are not happy with the adjectives, think of ones you aspire to, and how you can achieve them. My next post will cover ways to identify your personal style.

2010

Happy New Year!

This brief post is about time, and a man who deals with time. His name is Roman Wernio and he is the owner of Pendulum Faire Clock Shoppe, at 195 S. Patterson Avenue in Goleta. Mr. Wernio reminds me of someone I would encounter in a small town 50 years ago. He is well- dressed, professional, polite, an expert in his field, and no-nonsense. I brought him a client's watch and he had it repaired quickly, for a reasonable fee. I wish there were more people like Mr. Wernio in the service and retail world!