Thank You

It is Christmas Eve, and my youngest daughter and I are discussing how to accept gifts gracefully and graciously. She just asked me, "Is it okay to say, 'Thanks, I really like this even though this isn't what I wanted'"?

Well, no, my dear, it is not okay. I tell her it is important that she say thank you, and that she shows some sincere appreciation for the gift. Making the giver feel good is the goal. This seems a bit confusing to her, an eight year old.

I recently came across a very good article on this sometimes confusing topic of receiving in Easy Living magazine. According to writer Lesley Garner, "There is also a skill to being the person on the receiving end." When someone is offering one thing to someone else, "they are giving away something of themselves as well as the actual object." Therefore, the recipient's responsibility is to express gratitude, simply and lovingly. Like I told my daughter, "Smile, look the person in the eye, and say 'Thank you.'"

This advice applies when someone compliments you on something you are wearing, or when someone gives you a gift. Talking to my daughter reminded me how I should respond to all gifts, the everyday and the special.

Happy Holidays to All and Very Warm Wishes for a Happy New Year!

Cashmere

Cashmere is everywhere, even more now that stores are trying to purge their winter inventory. Savvy shoppers know there is cashmere, and then there is cashmere. This topic was well-covered in the Los Angeles Times Image section on Sunday, December 20.

Journalist Sabrina Azadi writes that the price for a cashmere sweater runs from $1,000 to $59.99. This explains why cashmere products can be found both at high end boutiques and Costco. In the end, the difference in price is an indication of quality. Cashmere, given the labor and time to manufacture it, should be expensive. "It takes a Mongolian goat about four years to naturally shed enough hair to make one cashmere sweater; then the hair has to be washed and sorted by hand. Once the raw material has been harvested, it must be spun into yarn and made into a garment."

When cashmere is blended with wool, silk, or other synthetic fibers the price decreases. So too does the softness. An acquaintance recently recounted the "amazing" deal she got on her cashmere sweater. Her story included special sales, a discount card, and a coupon she clipped from the newspaper. I am all for getting a bargain, but when I felt her sweater, it was not soft. Why bother! While two-ply cashmere offers tremendous warmth, people are attracted to cashmere for its luxuriously soft feel.

Historically, the best cashmere is from Scotland and is spun and knit there and in Italy. I was recently given a number of cashmere sweaters and scarves with "Made in Scotland" on their labels. Believe me, I have never felt such softness. The blends I have purchased over the years pale in comparison, and they have pilled a great deal.

Here is the scoop if you want to "tell the good from the destined to disappoint:
Labels: Opt for 100% cashmere if you can afford it.
Touch Test: Good quality cashmere should be really soft; it doesn't shine and shouldn't feel slippery or look fuzzy.
Quality: Cashmere should rebound back into shape when stretched."
Care: Hand wash in gentle soap in cool water, roll in a towel to soak up extra water, then dry flat.
Store cashmere in breathable clothing bags; do not hang it up; and put it away for the season CLEAN.

As a final word, "Just remember that at prices lower than $100, you're mostly buying into the cashmere name and the connotation of luxury without getting any of its benefits." Your money may be better spent on a lovely merino wool sweater.

Winding Down

This time of year seems frenzied for a lot of us. So I appreciate the tips my friend and colleague, Sara Caputo, shared on a recent blog.

Read her 3 tips for taking care of yourself . You will be reminded of simple advice you have heard all of your life and will be richly rewarded when you take it.

The Coveted Coat

For years I have been stalking chic wool coats. This practice begins every winter when I pull out my silly reversible down jacket (silly because its sleeves are short and the bottom half of my body remains cold), and my oversized, completely unflattering black trench coat.

Living in Santa Barbara is clearly not the same as living on the East Coast, and I have been unable to justify the purchase of something that will not get much wear. However, my job as a wardrobe consultant (and plain old vanity) means I want to look good, and my old standbys had overstayed their welcome. No matter what I had on, once I buttoned up one of my unattractive, ill-fitting outerwear options, I looked, at best, frumpy.

When the coats go on sale at J. Crew each year, I ogle, sigh, dream, and then decide I really don't need a coat. This year, though, I finally had had enough of my frumpy look, and I purchased a fabulous, classic, great-fitting, and WARM coat. I've worn it almost every day for a week and now wonder what took me so long. The fact that I got it for 60% off made the purchase that much sweeter.

Now is the time to buy that warm sweater, coat, or jacket you have been thinking about. Prices are remarkably low and store inventory is high.

Keeping It Simple

I have been working with someone recently who is simplifying her life in many ways. She has decided to purge almost all of her existing clothing and is now wearing only two colors. At first I was taken aback--most women want more and more clothes and balk at the idea of limiting themselves in any way.

The more I get to know this woman, the more I have come to admire her. She has learned that having a simplified wardrobe makes getting dressed effortless. Every piece coordinates with every other piece. She has beautiful taste and appreciates quality; therefore what she has chosen fits her well and will last.

Am I ready to whittle down my color and clothing choices? Not to the extent that this woman has, but I find myself thinking more about what I need versus what I want. Do I admire how her style has evolved? Absolutely. Her wardrobe reflects who she is currently and it suits her lifestyle well. Can we all learn from her clear vision and keen eye? Yes!

Junk--Mail and Otherwise

My friend, Radiant Organizing's Sara Caputo, and I were recently talking about junk. In her work with people's business and home space, she and her clients unearth a lot of junk. A great deal of this junk is in the form of junk mail. Sara talks to her clients about the junk, why they still have it, what pieces need to be saved, how to dispose of the rest of it, and, most importantly, how to avoid bringing more junk into their lives. She is a very talented expert on time and space management.

When I work with my Santa Barbara Wardrobe Wisdom clients, I also encounter junk. In clothing it takes the form of outdated, ill-fitting, torn and stained clothing. Sometimes the clients themselves don't even like their junk, but they are reluctant to part with it.

Another kind of junk is fabric from beloved clothing that the client imagines turning into a pillow, a blanket, or cutting up to use in a quilt someday. Now, I am all for being thrifty and have seen creative people make beautiful things out of castoff clothing. However, by the time I am invited into someone's closet, that pile of dream remnants has been gathering dust for a long time. What do I suggest?

First, I ask the client how realistic it is for her to tackle a project, such as making a quilt, in the near future. This helps her to look at that stack of old clothing with fresh eyes, and she usually finds herself relieved to chuck a lot of it. The remaining items have sentimental value and are boxed up and are stored in an attic or garage--out of the client's main closet.

When the junk is cleared away, whether it is papers or clothing, our vision becomes sharper. We can see what we really need, what treasures we already possess and how we can make our lives less cluttered and stressful.

Men's Pants

I have had some male clients, and for the most part they have been quite set in their sartorial ways. When I work with women, they often tell me, "Oh, I wish I could get you in my husband's closet!" Of course I would be delighted to work with their husbands, but, the women tell me, "They don't see anything wrong with how they dress."

One chapter of Clinton Kelly's book that made me laugh the most was the three photos he has of a man and a woman, detailing why their look is not working. The male model struck me as the most amusing, because I can think of several men who could have been in those pictures! Kelly describes the importance of wearing clothes that are "just right," neither too big nor too small. When it comes to pants, men seem to err on the too big side.

Enter Bonobos, which the co-founder, Andy Dunn, is modeling above. Bonobos is an online only store which "is on a mission to give American men a complex about their backsides. The pants’ distinguishing feature is that they eliminate the sagging bottom of ill-fitting trousers." Now, I do not welcome men becoming fixated on their bottoms, but it would be okay if they learned to wear pants that fit them properly.

To learn more about Bonobos, read this article from The New York Times.